Jurassic Pork

I stole that from a comic in an issue of Disney Adventures magazine. It was about rampant merchandise that got out and started eating people, which, considering it was in a kids’ magazine published by Disney, is shockingly subversive.

ANYPOOP, I went to see Jurassic Park at the Academy tonight. This was the first time I’ve ever seen it in a theater, and I’m a little conflicted about it. On the one hand, while I had a good time, it wasn’t exactly the authentic experience. There was a lot of contagious laughter (especially at the horrendously dated computer stuff), and up on a huge screen it’s a lot easier to tell that most of the jungle stuff at night was on a soundstage.

In the other direction—which is not the second half of the idiom I started with, but screw it—as much as I loved that movie as a kid, even watching it on our TV scared the crap out of me. (I think I broached the subject of my velociraptor-turned-utahraptor nightmares not that long ago.) Seeing it in a theater, when the scary parts weren’t funny, and feeding off of a crowd’s terrified energy? I’d have shat a lightsaber.

Some third segway, I wanted to be a paleontologist when I was in the single digits. Correction: I thought I wanted to be a paleontologist. What I actually wanted to do is work with dinosaurs. Paleontologists have a terrible job. Curator at a museum of natural history? Sure. That sounds awesome. But paleontology? Digging for bones out in the Badlands of Montana? Nutsacks to that. Still, all of this comes second to the theoretical job title of Tyrannosaur Wrangler, probably at Busch Gardens.

There was something…. Oh, yes, the film itself. I mean, the film which ran through the projector, in order to put the movie (‘film’) on the big wall. It was an original print! Which means it was dirty, and skipped occasionally, and terribly, wonderfully visceral. I finally, FINALLY, get seeing movies on film. Makes me excited to see The Master on 70mm.

That’s pretty much all I have in the tank. Except the worst news I’ve read all week.

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